Let’s Just Be Men

While doing research for both this site and another project I have in the works, I’ve noticed something, and I’m not sure just how I feel about it.  That is how so many sites ostensibly about masculinity and men’s issues spend an inordinate amount of time kvetching about feminists.

Photo by Mike Maguire
Photo by Mike Maguire

Make no mistake, I’m no fan of modern, third-wave feminism.  Yes, women should be treated equally, but that’s not what this version of feminism is really about based on my readings.

However, many guys spend so much time complaining about feminism that they forget they’re supposed to be talking about men.

Frankly, I don’t really care.  When feminists attack masculinity, men in general, or something important to us, I’ll respond.  Other than that, maybe a passing mention because I despise their ideas of masculinity.  I’m just not that interested in their opinions.

We know what kind of men feminists want.  While some argue that feminists don’t really want that, I personally don’t care.  If they want a beta male who will lick their boots, and they can find someone who wants that from a relationship, so be it.

I personally think that men should spend more time discussing men’s issues and actually being men than worrying about what feminist women are doing.

Early posts on this blog have been shared in private groups on Facebook.  I take a look at who likes it.  Interestingly, women are liking them as much as men, if not more.

Numerous women are openly lamenting the presence of actual men, rather than hipster douchebag pseudo-men with beards and flannel shirts, but nothing else to actually identify them as “men”.  These are the same women who were alarmed when a recent study found that the average millennial male was weaker than their father.

One would be amazed how many women actually want a man by the more traditional values the term represented.

For many out there, we either don’t qualify or we feel weird and isolated because we do.  We need to focus on being men and dealing with men’s issues and then letting women take care of themselves.

Will some feminist decry this as misogynistic?  Probably.  Some feminists will decry anything not explicitly adhering to their ideology as misogynist, but again, who cares?  Are you interested in what they think?  If so, you shouldn’t.

If we are men, and we carry ourselves in a masculine way, the female situation will take care of itself.

Guys, there are more than enough women out there who wants real men, men who are like the movie characters they grew up watching, that you won’t have to worry too much.  I promise.

No, I won’t have a bunch of stuff here about game, and how to pick up women, because of one simple fact.  I had a hard time even getting a date until I met my wife, and then doing almost everything game tells you not to do, I got her to go out with me.  We’ll be married for 17 years in April.

What the hell do I know about game?

Instead, I’ll leave game to the game experts.  If you want to go that route, go that route.  I don’t particularly care.  That’s on you.

But being an Alpha at game isn’t the same as being a man.  How many guys run tight game and don’t really understand being a man?  I’d wager a lot.

There are remarkably few sites out there that I personally see anything about masculinity in a context I can agree with.  The Art of Manliness is one of the only ones out there.

Unfortunately, AoM has managed to get some guys convince that to be a man, you need to dress a certain way or shave with a certain technique.  I seriously don’t think that was their intention over there by any stretch of the imagination.  Instead, it’s to basically be a male version of the kind of magazines women buy with a thousand tips for women.

I’ll keep reading AoM, and maybe I’ll find a few other sites out there I like and can keep up with without feeling like a complete slimeball for even reading them.

Of course, despite my comments about game, I should also point out that I’m the father of a 15-year-old son who may well be a genius.  Online IQ tests put him about 145 or so, and he’s dual enrollment in high school and college at such a young age.  (Why yes, I am proud as hell of him.  How could you tell?)

I mention this because part of this project is to really help him become the best man he can.  I want him to not just be a good man, but as Jack Donovan put it in The Way of Men, I want him to be good at being a man.

I also want him to be able to attract the kind of women he wants, rather than having to fumble through the dating world like I did.  I lucked up when I landed my wife, so I don’t want him to have to trust luck.

Being a man isn’t particularly popular these days.  We’re the butt of jokes on television, with nearly every sitcom making us nothing but bumbling fools…unless we’re the antagonist trying to thwart the heroine’s plans for no good reason except we have a penis.

We need to find ways to be men, to express our masculinity as a part of our being, and not spend so much time hating anyone else.  Let’s just be real modern men.  The rest will, for the most part, take care of itself.

Author: Tom

Tom is a husband, father, novelist, opinion writer, and former Navy Corpsman currently living in Georgia. He's also someone who has lost almost 60 pounds in a safe, sustainable way, so he knows what he's talking about.

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